Fantastic Fear Of Everything

It’s a few days off my clinic appointment and I’m scared. And the annoying thing is I can’t really pin down what is scaring me the most. 

My bowel prep is taunting me first of all. I have the slowest bowel in the world (pretty sure I’d be in the record books if I could get the McWhirters into poo) so just how much is going to come out?! And how much abdo pain will that cause? Not to mention my actual bottom which I’m pretty sure will get sore. AND I have a chronic pain/joint disorder so how much pain will I cause myself to-ing & fro-ing & even just sitting on the loo. It won’t be fun. 

And then there’s the appointment. Will it hurt? Will I get super anxious & embarrassed? Will I fart in the doctor’s face? And then what? If he finds something that is relatively innocent will I worry it’s covering something sinister up further up? I’m scared I’ll have gone through all of this worry for nothing. And if he doesn’t find something, if I need more tests, if I finally need to tell friends & loved ones that something might be wrong. And more waiting? More worrying? Yeah. I’m pretty much terrified no matter what happens. I’d quite like to go back to just ignoring the blood in the loo please. 

One thought on “Fantastic Fear Of Everything

  1. I’m always the same before appointments, I have a saying for myself, ‘Anticipation is worse than realisation’

    Always reminds me to try and calm my anxiety a little. Good luck with it 😊


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